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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Always
Bowl
Never
Bowls
Lactose
Milk
Almond
Enjoy
Almonds
Dream
Intolerant
Wanted
Cereal
Live
Toilet
Whole
Toilets
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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