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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Funny
Chicks
Come
Cheer
Flash
Pull
Jokes
Offender
Sex
Cheers
Humor
Registered
Everybody
Offenders

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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
Daniel Tosh