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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
People
Holding
Jokes
Meaner
Watches
Weirdo
Watch
Puppets
Beyond
Comprehension
Funny
Slightly
Idea
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Ideas
Versions
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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