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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Never
Materials
Fans
Huge
Repeating
Stand
Perform
Funny
Acts
Able
Excited
Going
Material
Really
Jokes

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh