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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Night
Matter
Whole
Grueling
Work
Touring
Made
Jokes
Every
Stand
Really
Less
Life
Funny
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
Daniel Tosh