Quote

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Matter
Whole
Grueling
Work
Touring
Made
Jokes
Every
Stand
Really
Less
Life
Funny
Night

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
Daniel Tosh
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
Daniel Tosh
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
Daniel Tosh
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
Daniel Tosh
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
Daniel Tosh
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
Daniel Tosh
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
Daniel Tosh
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
Daniel Tosh