Quote

Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Film
Behinds
Back
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Going
Nobody
Dumping
Make
Instead
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Would
Fun
Independent
People
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House
Watches
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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