Quote

It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.

Daniel Tosh

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Ultimate
Comedy
Stand
Hours
Hbo
Funny
Pinnacle
Way
Central
Good
Jokes
People
Hour

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

Image
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
Daniel Tosh
Image
e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
Daniel Tosh
Image
It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh
Image
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
Image
You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
Daniel Tosh
Image
Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh
Image
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
Daniel Tosh
Image
No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
Daniel Tosh