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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Hours
Hbo
Funny
Pinnacle
Central
Way
Jokes
Good
Hour
People
Ultimate
Comedy
Stand

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
Daniel Tosh