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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Comedy
Stand
Hours
Hbo
Funny
Pinnacle
Way
Central
Good
Jokes
People
Hour
Ultimate

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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