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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Funny
Pinnacle
Way
Central
Good
Jokes
People
Hour
Ultimate
Comedy
Stand
Hours
Hbo

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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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