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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Good
Shocking
Fast
Somewhere
Jokes
Guy
Funny
Pressing
Someone
Kicking
Really
Asian
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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