Quote

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Fast
Somewhere
Jokes
Guy
Funny
Pressing
Someone
Kicking
Really
Asian
Good
Shocking

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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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