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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Somewhere
Jokes
Guy
Funny
Pressing
Someone
Kicking
Really
Asian
Good
Shocking
Fast

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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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