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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Beaten
Freak
Jokes
Sick
Funny

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
Daniel Tosh
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
Daniel Tosh
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
Daniel Tosh
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
Daniel Tosh
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
Daniel Tosh
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Daniel Tosh
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
Daniel Tosh
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
Daniel Tosh
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
Daniel Tosh
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
Daniel Tosh