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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Fisted
Puppets
Sock
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More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
Daniel Tosh