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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Firsts
Embarrassing
First
Marijuana
Country
Michael
Smoking
Fell
Looked
Grace
Swimmer
Place
Graces

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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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