Quote

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Place
Graces
Firsts
Embarrassing
First
Marijuana
Country
Michael
Smoking
Fell
Looked
Grace
Swimmer

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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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