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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Like
Tattoo
Dumb
Gonna
Words
Years
Way
Think
Thinking

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
Daniel Tosh
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
Daniel Tosh
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
Daniel Tosh
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
Daniel Tosh
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
Daniel Tosh
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
Daniel Tosh
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
Daniel Tosh