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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Funny
Jokes
Spiritual
Girls
Girl
Humor
Ever
Comedy
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Honest
Hear
Religious
Interesting
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More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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