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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Girl
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Honest
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Religious
Interesting
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Jokes
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Girls

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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