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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Funny
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Spiritual
Girls
Girl
Humor
Ever
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Honest
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Religious
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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