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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Honest
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Comedy

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh