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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Spiritual
Girls
Girl
Humor
Ever
Comedy
Like
Honest
Hear
Religious
Interesting
Reply
Funny
Jokes

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
Daniel Tosh
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
Daniel Tosh
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
Daniel Tosh