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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Sports
Athlete
Funny
Clearly
Making
Jokes
Best
Female
Sick
Humor
Supermodels
Media
Supermodel
Comedy
Athletes

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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh