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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Sick
Humor
Supermodels
Media
Supermodel
Comedy
Athletes
Sports
Athlete
Funny
Clearly
Making
Jokes
Best
Female

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
Daniel Tosh
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
Daniel Tosh
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
Daniel Tosh
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh