Quote

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Right
Thank
Parents
Humor
Comedy
Parent
Clapping
Show
Ruining
Funny
Francisco
Shows
Ashamed

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
Daniel Tosh