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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Groups
Understand
Fall
Two
Women
Men
Bachelors
Husbands
Husband
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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