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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Happens
Might
Things
Orphans
Orphan
Decided
Terrible
Happen
Interesting

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...in life it is often the tiny details that end up being the most important.
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I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable.
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Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
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Just about everybody has written a first novel that they throw away before writing their actual first novel.
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Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.
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I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I'll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I'll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.
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There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If someone wanted to torture me until I told them a critical piece of information, all they would have to do is get my socks wet. It feels terrible.
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Everyone on earth would never starve and forever find love and happiness, since we won, but if we’d lost, they would have gouged out our eyes and thrown us naked onto hot coals and poisonous snakes for all the cheering and hugging at the end, strangers hugging like the end of The Omega Virus when Steve Sturmine finds the antidote.
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Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.
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Sometime during your life—in fact, very soon—you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.
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Lately it has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca.
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Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.
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This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.
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