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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Interesting
Happens
Might
Things
Orphans
Orphan
Decided
Terrible
Happen

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Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.
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There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If someone wanted to torture me until I told them a critical piece of information, all they would have to do is get my socks wet. It feels terrible.
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With a library it is easier to hope for serendipity than to look for a precise answer.
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Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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This is love, and the trouble with it: it can make you embarrassed. Love is really liking someone a whole lot and not wanting to screw that up. Everybody's chewed over this. This unites us, this part of love.
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It is my fate that some of my questions will never be answered.
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I write storys to entertain not to be the best
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The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they're being followed.
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Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they've been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative.
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One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer a deck of cards or Anna Karenina when the obvious answer is a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.
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Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
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Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
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For Beatrice- When we were together I felt breathless. Now you are.
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When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people.
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I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.
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I kind of always think my work is unfilmable, and when I meet people who are interested in filming it, I'm always stunned.
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I think I’ve always believed that there is one person in the universe who you’re truly meant for–for whom you are truly meant–and the fact that sometimes there are two or even more people on the earth you can fall in love with really bothers me. It suggests that if you work hard you can be meant for anyone.
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If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.
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