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When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Book
Desperate
People
Realize
Realizing
Books
Start
Reading
Actually
Piracy
History
Nonfiction

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Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.
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One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
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They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
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A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
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Life never end when you are in it.
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This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.
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With a library it is easier to hope for serendipity than to look for a precise answer.
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
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For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.
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It is not very polite to interrupt a person, of course, but sometimes if the person is very unpleasant you can hardly stop yourself.
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Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
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For Beatrice, summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you, is even colder.
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Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.
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Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
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For Beatrice- When we were together I felt breathless. Now you are.
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.
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Life isn't fair, he said, in his undisguised voice, and for once the Baudelaire orphans agreed with every word the man said.
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The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
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The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.
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