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The Basic Eight and Watch Your Mouth both have first-person voices, and I ended up investigating those voices and investing so much in them that I think many people took them more seriously than they ought to have.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
First
Watches
Voices
Many
Watch
Ended
Much
Took
Investing
Think
Ought
Mouth
Thinking
Voice
Seriously
People
Persons
Basic
Person
Mouths
Firsts
Eight
Investigating

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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
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No reality has the power to dispel a dream.
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Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.
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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
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This is love if it's not with you, a terrible fiery something that makes people look away, and it feels like a punch in the throat.
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All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.
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I found powerful the idea that everything we have is, in effect, stolen from everybody else.
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Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.
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It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.
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They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
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who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.
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I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dull. So when I embarked into the world of picture books, my first thought was to do something about the dark.
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Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move! Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her! Lure the snake away! Here, snakey! Here, snakey snakey!
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We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.
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Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.
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Composer” is a word which here means “a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is going to play.” This is called composing. But last night, the Composer was not muttering. He was not humming. He was not moving, or even breathing. This is called decomposing.
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It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
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