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We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Children
Things
Flunking
Letting
Horrible
Nation
Happen
Nations
Happens

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This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.
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I do what I do, I said, in order to do something else.
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-Most people would say that she's beautiful. -That's because she's been with most people.
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My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.
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How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.
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But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.
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The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wouldn't have gotten it, Ed, I thought, watching her go. It's why we broke up, so here it is. Ed, how could you?
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Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
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Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, The world is quiet here, as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good.
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We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.
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We are respecting our parents' wishes....They didn't want to shelter us from the world's treacheries. They wanted us to survive them.
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Like a lot of people whose children were small in the 2000s, I read [Daniel Handler] books out loud and I loved them.
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There is no easy way to train an apprentice. My two tools are example and nagging.
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I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.
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Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.
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Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
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You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage to say so.
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