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Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Mistake
Strawberries
Wisdom
Assumptions
Find
Bombs
Even
Assumption
Make
Instance
Things
Terrible
Like
Dangerous
Strawberry
Trouble
Tiniest
More quotes by Daniel Handler
How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.
Daniel Handler
Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.
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In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn't worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.
Daniel Handler
I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you.
Daniel Handler
I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.
Daniel Handler
This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
Daniel Handler
But it's far too late for us ring, hair, letters, photographs - all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram.
Daniel Handler
For every teenager I know, having a phone is a mixed blessing, because your parents can press a button and figure out where you are.
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A long time ago, there was no such thing as school, and children spent their days learning a trade, a phrase which here means standing around doing tedious tasks under the instruction of a bossy adult. In time, however, people realized that the children could be allowed to sit, and the first school was invented.
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It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake.
Daniel Handler
Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.
Daniel Handler
I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable.
Daniel Handler
Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.
Daniel Handler
Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something
Daniel Handler
If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed, but most of us would say something more along the lines of, Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!
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If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.
Daniel Handler
Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
Daniel Handler
And then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. Love this song, Todd said, like it was unusually brave to like what was number one on the radio.
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It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe, even if you are in the middle of a windy valley high up in the mountains.
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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.
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