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This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Doughnut
Cookie
Cookies
Tastes
Coffee
Sex
Taste
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More quotes by Daniel Handler

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They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
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Life never end when you are in it.
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The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the mystery that surrounds them.
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Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.
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Adverbs is a book about love, and I thought that was pretty cheerful, but people who are reading it now are telling me that it's actually quite dark.
Daniel Handler
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And then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. Love this song, Todd said, like it was unusually brave to like what was number one on the radio.
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.
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The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
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Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.
Daniel Handler
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This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.
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I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.
Daniel Handler
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The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused.
Daniel Handler
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All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now he wasn't so sure.
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Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
Daniel Handler
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The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
Daniel Handler
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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
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In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn't worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.
Daniel Handler