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This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Necessary
Moral
Lying
Sometimes
Good
Absurd

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For every teenager I know, having a phone is a mixed blessing, because your parents can press a button and figure out where you are.
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We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.
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Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
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Adverbs is a book about love, and I thought that was pretty cheerful, but people who are reading it now are telling me that it's actually quite dark.
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Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's go there, let's stay in that place alone.
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Just about everybody has written a first novel that they throw away before writing their actual first novel.
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Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.
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But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.
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I like to think that I get better and better as a writer, but it seems pretty easy to me to slip on disguises of various people.
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Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
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It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.
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Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
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A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
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Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except perhaps a few books on a few shelves.
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When do you learn that the world, like any diner worth its salt, is open twenty-four hours a day?
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When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people.
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This is love if it's not with you, a terrible fiery something that makes people look away, and it feels like a punch in the throat.
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