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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Virginians
Typewriter
Typewriters
Near
Circumstances
Never
More quotes by Daniel Handler
Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.
Daniel Handler
Everyone on earth would never starve and forever find love and happiness, since we won, but if we’d lost, they would have gouged out our eyes and thrown us naked onto hot coals and poisonous snakes for all the cheering and hugging at the end, strangers hugging like the end of The Omega Virus when Steve Sturmine finds the antidote.
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Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.
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The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.
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Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.
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Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's go there, let's stay in that place alone.
Daniel Handler
For Beatrice, summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you, is even colder.
Daniel Handler
Love was in the air, so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner.
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Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
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A mystery is solved with a story.
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As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
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If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.
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Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine.
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It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing.
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This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.
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Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.
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There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.
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Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
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Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
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Miracles can happen, even to those who are small, flammable, and dressed all in black.
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