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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Near
Circumstances
Never
Virginians
Typewriter
Typewriters

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As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
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Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
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I found powerful the idea that everything we have is, in effect, stolen from everybody else.
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The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the mystery that surrounds them.
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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
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How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.
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Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.
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In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied I love you back and not I love your back before you continue the conversation.
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It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake.
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I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.
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It is not very polite to interrupt a person, of course, but sometimes if the person is very unpleasant you can hardly stop yourself.
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Like a lot of people whose children were small in the 2000s, I read [Daniel Handler] books out loud and I loved them.
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Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.
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This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one's stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in your bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there.
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-Most people would say that she's beautiful. -That's because she's been with most people.
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.
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My general writing preface is to write an outline and then ignore about half of it, both on a micro level with the individual book, and on a macro level with the series as a whole, and that's pretty much what's happened.
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You can't believe everything you read.
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Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.
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