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Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Occur
Plans
Late
Best
Sometimes
Even

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I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!
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No reality has the power to dispel a dream.
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When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people.
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There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.
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Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
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I have a dream of what would have happened if what happened instead hadn't.
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Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true.
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Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want.
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There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize.
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For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.
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I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.
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All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.
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The idea that the curtain rises on what is often more or less a happy scene, and it will fall just a few hours later, and everyone will be dead or have gone mad... I find that kind of narrative very appealing.
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Life never end when you are in it.
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The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.
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Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
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It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs
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Blank paper has always inspired me.
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One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
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