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You can't believe everything you read.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Read
Everything
Believe

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.
Daniel Handler
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I liked, I admit, that we didn’t pretend there hadn’t been other girls. There was always a girl on you in the halls at school, like they came free with a backpack.
Daniel Handler
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The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.
Daniel Handler
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If only Uncle Monty knew what we know, Violet said, and Stephano knew that he knew what we know. But Uncle Monty doesn't know what we know, and Stephano knows that he doesn't know what we know. I know, Klause said. I know you know, Violet said
Daniel Handler
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But it's far too late for us ring, hair, letters, photographs - all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram.
Daniel Handler
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E! Klaus cried. E as in Exit! The Baudelaires ran down E as in Exit, but when they reached the last cabinet, the row was becoming F as in Falling File Cabinets, G as in Go the Other Way! and H as in How in the World Are We Going to Escape?
Daniel Handler
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Lately it has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca.
Daniel Handler
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Everyone tells you it's all right to cry, but not enough people say it's all right if you don't want people to know.
Daniel Handler
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Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.
Daniel Handler
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Are you ready? Klaus asked finally. No, Sunny answered. Me neither, Violet said, but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.
Daniel Handler
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We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.
Daniel Handler
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I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.
Daniel Handler
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It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.
Daniel Handler
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
Daniel Handler
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Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.
Daniel Handler
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I can't imagine why you would want to take your child to see what the career of a writer is like, because it mostly consists of sitting in a room typing, or going to the library and looking something up. Those are not exciting things to watch.
Daniel Handler
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This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.
Daniel Handler
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
Daniel Handler
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Every last souvenir of the love we had, the prizes & the debris of this relationship, like the glitter in the gutter when the parade has passed, all the everything & whatnot kicked to the curb.
Daniel Handler
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It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake.
Daniel Handler