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Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Animals
Torn
Wouldn
Satisfying
Animal
Count
Sound
Someday
Hope
Wild
Persons
Apart
Person
Awful
Like
Sounds
Olaf
More quotes by Daniel Handler
Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
Daniel Handler
Hal is on his way. The nurse announced reentering the room.
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Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
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Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.
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Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.
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When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.
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It seems to me that oftentimes in young relationships once there's a problem of some significance then it's almost like they're both racing for the dumper buzzer.
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For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.
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Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.
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It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
Daniel Handler
Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
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We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.
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For every teenager I know, having a phone is a mixed blessing, because your parents can press a button and figure out where you are.
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Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
Daniel Handler
