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If you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Story
Wish
Stories
Best
Book
Unpleasant
Avoid

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the mystery that surrounds them.
Daniel Handler
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It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.
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This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?
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Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.
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Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want.
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That night it felt that somehow by flicking them off the roof, the matches would burn down everything, the sparks from the tips of the flames, torching the world and all the heartbroken people in it.
Daniel Handler
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It is not the diamonds or the birds, the people or the potatoes, it is not any of the nouns. The miracle is the adverbs, the way things are done. It is the way love gets done despite every catastrophe.
Daniel Handler
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When do you learn that the world, like any diner worth its salt, is open twenty-four hours a day?
Daniel Handler
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This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.
Daniel Handler
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I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.
Daniel Handler
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I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.
Daniel Handler
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No reality has the power to dispel a dream.
Daniel Handler
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Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.
Daniel Handler
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All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found
Daniel Handler
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
Daniel Handler
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Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.
Daniel Handler
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If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.
Daniel Handler
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Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.
Daniel Handler
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Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
Daniel Handler
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In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn't worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.
Daniel Handler