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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Ballerina
Princess
Jealous
Fairy
Dancing
Veterinarian

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.
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It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
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And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.
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The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
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Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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I always think it's silly when people talk about works of culture taking risks. Because there's not any risk involved.
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When do you learn that the world, like any diner worth its salt, is open twenty-four hours a day?
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It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring.
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Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.
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If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn’t care about dentists, for instance could say ‘Dentist, schmentists.
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When you say, History is written by the winners, you like to think about someone who isn't you. You want to think, Oh, that's the juggernaut I'm standing against. But you're probably part of it.
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Blank paper has always inspired me.
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For Beatrice- My love for you shall live forever. You, however, did not.
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I had this idea about terrible things happening to orphans, and I knew it was such a horrible idea that the idea of writing it down and then submitting it professionally was obviously absurd.
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I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable.
Daniel Handler
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It is my fate that some of my questions will never be answered.
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In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.
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There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
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Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else.
Daniel Handler