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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Veterinarian
Ballerina
Princess
Jealous
Fairy
Dancing

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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And when love is over when the diner of love seems closed from the outside you want all those hours back along with anything you left at the lover’s house and maybe a couple of things which aren’t technically yours on the grounds that you wasted a portion of your life and those hours have all gone southside.
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Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
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No reality has the power to dispel a dream.
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A bolt from the blue.
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It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn't know.
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Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.
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The whole thing of what I’ve been trying,” you said, “is that you’re different, and you keep asking about the other girls, but what I mean is that I don’t think about them, because of the way you are.
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The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.
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In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.
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The book was long, and difficult to read, and Klaus became more and more tired as the night wore on. Occasionally his eyes would close. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.
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How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.
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Figuratively, they escaped from Cout Olaf and their miserable existence. They did not literally escape, because they were still in his house and vulnerable to Olaf's evil in loco parentis ways.
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One has to adopt a sort of Zen calm, in which you know you wrote the best book that you could at the time.
Daniel Handler
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You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.
Daniel Handler
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Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down.
Daniel Handler
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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
Daniel Handler
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
Daniel Handler
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Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.
Daniel Handler
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Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.
Daniel Handler