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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Fairy
Dancing
Veterinarian
Ballerina
Princess
Jealous
More quotes by Daniel Handler
All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found
Daniel Handler
Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.
Daniel Handler
E! Klaus cried. E as in Exit! The Baudelaires ran down E as in Exit, but when they reached the last cabinet, the row was becoming F as in Falling File Cabinets, G as in Go the Other Way! and H as in How in the World Are We Going to Escape?
Daniel Handler
Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.
Daniel Handler
Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
Daniel Handler
If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.
Daniel Handler
Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.
Daniel Handler
Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
Daniel Handler
No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.
Daniel Handler
Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time.
Daniel Handler
Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine.
Daniel Handler
I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.
Daniel Handler
The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused.
Daniel Handler
Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.
Daniel Handler
Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.
Daniel Handler
Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
Daniel Handler
So every so often, when I meet someone who's honestly appalled by my books and doesn't understand why they would be attractive to people... I find such people sort of charming, even though they usually don't like me.
Daniel Handler
With the publishing of The Basic Eight, it was often assumed that I was really immature and callow, and with the publishing of Watch Your Mouth, it was assumed that I was oversexualized, and with Lemony Snicket, it's often assumed that I'm erudite and depressed. But all the voices more or less came naturally to me.
Daniel Handler
This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.
Daniel Handler
Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
Daniel Handler
