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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Princess
Jealous
Fairy
Dancing
Veterinarian
Ballerina

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They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay.
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Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.
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Are you ready? Klaus asked finally. No, Sunny answered. Me neither, Violet said, but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.
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-Most people would say that she's beautiful. -That's because she's been with most people.
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To stutter through it with you or even stop stuttering and say nothing, was so lucky and soft, better talk than mile-a-minute with anyone. After a few minutes we’d stop rattling, we’d adjust, we’d settle in, and the conversation would speed into the night.
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Hal is on his way. The nurse announced reentering the room.
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Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
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Everyone tells you it's all right to cry, but not enough people say it's all right if you don't want people to know.
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It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to being with.
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It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.
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I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get into a huge war over a piece of jewelry that everybody wants but nobody can wear.
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We are all told to ignore bullies. It's something they teach you, and they can teach you anything. It doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it. One should never ignore bullies. One should stop them.
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.
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If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.
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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.
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Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
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