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I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Work
Exception
Never
Separation
Cinema
Except
Relationship
Movie
Restroom
Away
Parting
Doe
Bathroom

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Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.
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-Most people would say that she's beautiful. -That's because she's been with most people.
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It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn't know.
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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
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Are you ready? Klaus asked finally. No, Sunny answered. Me neither, Violet said, but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.
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Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.
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We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.
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I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you.
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Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.
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The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
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It was a curious feeling, that something could be so close and so distant at the same time.
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I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.
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You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.
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Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.
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As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
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They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.
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A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting.
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The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wouldn't have gotten it, Ed, I thought, watching her go. It's why we broke up, so here it is. Ed, how could you?
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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If only Uncle Monty knew what we know, Violet said, and Stephano knew that he knew what we know. But Uncle Monty doesn't know what we know, and Stephano knows that he doesn't know what we know. I know, Klause said. I know you know, Violet said
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