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For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
First
Beatrice
Mets
Lonely
Pretty
Firsts

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Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
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The worst surroundings in the world can be tolerated if the people in them are interesting and kind.
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Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all.
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Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
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It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.
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It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.
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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.
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...the moron who thought love was forever.
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Life never end when you are in it.
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Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.
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I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!
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and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.
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I stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn’t point to.
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It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult.
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For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.
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Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.
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How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?
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We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.
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