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Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Lazy
Pleasant
Task
Particularly
Tasks
Objects
Fetching
Never
Fetch
People
Insulting
More quotes by Daniel Handler
Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.
Daniel Handler
Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!
Daniel Handler
Hal is on his way. The nurse announced reentering the room.
Daniel Handler
Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
Daniel Handler
Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
Daniel Handler
The Basic Eight and Watch Your Mouth both have first-person voices, and I ended up investigating those voices and investing so much in them that I think many people took them more seriously than they ought to have.
Daniel Handler
...that's not why we broke up. I love it, I miss it, I hate to give it back to you, this complicated thing, it's why we stayed together
Daniel Handler
If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning.
Daniel Handler
If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn’t care about dentists, for instance could say ‘Dentist, schmentists.
Daniel Handler
There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
Daniel Handler
As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
Daniel Handler
Lemony Snicket. Now, I'm told - the books, of course, starting from the very first one, became hugely popular, selling millions and millions. And I understand that when you used to go around to talk to your very young fans, you would appear as Lemony Snicket's representative or agent.
Daniel Handler
I like to think that I get better and better as a writer, but it seems pretty easy to me to slip on disguises of various people.
Daniel Handler
How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?
Daniel Handler
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
Daniel Handler
Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.
Daniel Handler
For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.
Daniel Handler
They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.
Daniel Handler
I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get into a huge war over a piece of jewelry that everybody wants but nobody can wear.
Daniel Handler
The book was long, and difficult to read, and Klaus became more and more tired as the night wore on. Occasionally his eyes would close. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.
Daniel Handler
