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Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Never
Fetch
People
Insulting
Lazy
Pleasant
Task
Particularly
Tasks
Objects
Fetching
More quotes by Daniel Handler
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.
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It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.
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They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
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The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they're being followed.
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If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.
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Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.
Daniel Handler
Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
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A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says.
Daniel Handler
Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
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Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except perhaps a few books on a few shelves.
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Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down.
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I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.
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And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.
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I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
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With the publishing of The Basic Eight, it was often assumed that I was really immature and callow, and with the publishing of Watch Your Mouth, it was assumed that I was oversexualized, and with Lemony Snicket, it's often assumed that I'm erudite and depressed. But all the voices more or less came naturally to me.
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The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wouldn't have gotten it, Ed, I thought, watching her go. It's why we broke up, so here it is. Ed, how could you?
Daniel Handler
Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.
Daniel Handler
A long time ago, there was no such thing as school, and children spent their days learning a trade, a phrase which here means standing around doing tedious tasks under the instruction of a bossy adult. In time, however, people realized that the children could be allowed to sit, and the first school was invented.
Daniel Handler
