Quote

Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.

Daniel Handler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Pleasant
Task
Particularly
Tasks
Objects
Fetching
Never
Fetch
People
Insulting
Lazy

More quotes by Daniel Handler

Image
This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.
Daniel Handler
Image
Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
Daniel Handler
Image
For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.
Daniel Handler
Image
It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.
Daniel Handler
Image
One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer a deck of cards or Anna Karenina when the obvious answer is a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.
Daniel Handler
Image
I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.
Daniel Handler
Image
A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
Daniel Handler
Image
Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
Daniel Handler
Image
Lately it has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca.
Daniel Handler
Image
Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
Daniel Handler
Image
Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.
Daniel Handler
Image
Mostly, it's flattering to meet fans. As long as it's in a planned, professional meeting, rather than, say, someone dropping by my home, which is not as pleasant.
Daniel Handler
Image
It seems to me that oftentimes in young relationships once there's a problem of some significance then it's almost like they're both racing for the dumper buzzer.
Daniel Handler
Image
For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.
Daniel Handler
Image
A bolt from the blue.
Daniel Handler
Image
Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.
Daniel Handler
Image
Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
Daniel Handler
Image
My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.
Daniel Handler
Image
You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That’s why the dark is always close by.
Daniel Handler
Image
I like to think that I get better and better as a writer, but it seems pretty easy to me to slip on disguises of various people.
Daniel Handler