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Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Melville
Herman
Clause
Clauses
Santa
Shirts
Wearing
Picture

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Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.
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Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.
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Figuratively, they escaped from Cout Olaf and their miserable existence. They did not literally escape, because they were still in his house and vulnerable to Olaf's evil in loco parentis ways.
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In times of extreme stress, one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of the body.
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I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
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The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.
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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
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Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry. So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.
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I have a dream of what would have happened if what happened instead hadn't.
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People don't always get what they deserve in this world.
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One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer a deck of cards or Anna Karenina when the obvious answer is a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.
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Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.
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There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
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It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.
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There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize.
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The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
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The right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing” is a phrase that refers to times when people ought to know, but don’t know, about something that is happening very close to them. For instance, you ought to know about the man who watches you when you sleep.
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That night it felt that somehow by flicking them off the roof, the matches would burn down everything, the sparks from the tips of the flames, torching the world and all the heartbroken people in it.
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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