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I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Bacon
Pigs
Happier
Eating

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I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
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There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
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I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable.
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
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If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.
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It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
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And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.
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If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.
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It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.
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In America now there is this phenomenon called helicopter parenting, where you're hovering over your child for the whole time. Parents there view their job as being to make sure their kid never has a moment of unhappiness. Of course, as a parent myself, I can understand the urge, but I don't know whether it would be healthy or possible.
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But it's far too late for us ring, hair, letters, photographs - all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram.
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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.
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Mostly, it's flattering to meet fans. As long as it's in a planned, professional meeting, rather than, say, someone dropping by my home, which is not as pleasant.
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A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
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...the moron who thought love was forever.
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Hal is on his way. The nurse announced reentering the room.
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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get into a huge war over a piece of jewelry that everybody wants but nobody can wear.
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The sad truth is the truth is sad.
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