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I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Bacon
Pigs
Happier
Eating

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Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody shushed them. “And I hope that someday I’ll do another something stupid and I’ll have to say it a million times because that’s how long it’ll be, together with you, Min. With you.
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How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.
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Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to stop it all over again.
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For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
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A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
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Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.
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I stand entwined in fire on the inextinguishable bonfire of inconceivable love.
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It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.
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It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.
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Lemony Snicket. Now, I'm told - the books, of course, starting from the very first one, became hugely popular, selling millions and millions. And I understand that when you used to go around to talk to your very young fans, you would appear as Lemony Snicket's representative or agent.
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Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.
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One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
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Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.
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When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people.
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There are some who go through life with a shadow hanging over them, particularly if they live in a building which has long wide awnings.
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Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!
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The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
Daniel Handler