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For Beatrice- My love for you shall live forever. You, however, did not.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Forever
Live
Love
Beatrice
However
Shall

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I wrote Rick before I was published, and I had no vision of it, really. It was just a story that occurred to me, and that put its little claws in my brain, and I wrote it, and I showed it to a couple people, and they all said, This is ghastly.
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There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.
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So every so often, when I meet someone who's honestly appalled by my books and doesn't understand why they would be attractive to people... I find such people sort of charming, even though they usually don't like me.
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There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.
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The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
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There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.
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There is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time.
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Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something
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People don't always get what they deserve in this world.
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There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
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I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you.
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After a certain age, you couldn't even say where you were from. You went someplace, and lived there. And then you went someplace else.
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It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.
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Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
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It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake.
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Dumping you times infinity. Still not enough.
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I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.
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As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
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