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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Tell
Santa
Stories
Ritual
Together
Christmas
Nothing
Completely
Claus
Different
Tree
Pine
Things
Story
Rituals
Funny
Blend
Often
Pagan
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It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.
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I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get into a huge war over a piece of jewelry that everybody wants but nobody can wear.
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I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it's nice to be in a room with a bunch of people working on a movie.
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We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.
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In times of extreme stress, one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of the body.
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Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
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Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dull. So when I embarked into the world of picture books, my first thought was to do something about the dark.
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You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.
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Sometime during your life—in fact, very soon—you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
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Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.
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Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to stop it all over again.
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Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move! Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her! Lure the snake away! Here, snakey! Here, snakey snakey!
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It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult.
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If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.
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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.
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I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you.
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