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Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
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San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
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More quotes by Daniel Handler
Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
Daniel Handler
They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.
Daniel Handler
If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning.
Daniel Handler
Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.
Daniel Handler
You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
Daniel Handler
The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
Daniel Handler
Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.
Daniel Handler
In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied I love you back and not I love your back before you continue the conversation.
Daniel Handler
The end of 'The End' is the best place to begin 'The End', because if you read 'The End' from the beginning of the beginning of 'The End' to the end of the end of 'The End', you will arrive at the end.
Daniel Handler
The book was long, and difficult to read, and Klaus became more and more tired as the night wore on. Occasionally his eyes would close. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.
Daniel Handler
A bolt from the blue.
Daniel Handler
I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.
Daniel Handler
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
Daniel Handler
Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.
Daniel Handler
As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
Daniel Handler
We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.
Daniel Handler
Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves.
Daniel Handler
Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
Daniel Handler
This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?
Daniel Handler
This is love, to sit with someone you've known forever in a place you've been meaning to go, and watching as their life happens to them until you stand up and it's time to go.
Daniel Handler
