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Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
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Neither
Wrong
Case
Read
Early
Born
Baby
Littles
Unless
Little
Cases
Congratulations
Life
Learning
Welcome
World
Courses
Yesterday
More quotes by Daniel Handler
My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.
Daniel Handler
It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world
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And then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. Love this song, Todd said, like it was unusually brave to like what was number one on the radio.
Daniel Handler
The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
Daniel Handler
Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?
Daniel Handler
Composer” is a word which here means “a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is going to play.” This is called composing. But last night, the Composer was not muttering. He was not humming. He was not moving, or even breathing. This is called decomposing.
Daniel Handler
For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
Daniel Handler
I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time.
Daniel Handler
The sad truth is the truth is sad.
Daniel Handler
It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs
Daniel Handler
We are respecting our parents' wishes....They didn't want to shelter us from the world's treacheries. They wanted us to survive them.
Daniel Handler
Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!
Daniel Handler
It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
Daniel Handler
To stutter through it with you or even stop stuttering and say nothing, was so lucky and soft, better talk than mile-a-minute with anyone. After a few minutes we’d stop rattling, we’d adjust, we’d settle in, and the conversation would speed into the night.
Daniel Handler
You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage to say so.
Daniel Handler
...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.
Daniel Handler
With the publishing of The Basic Eight, it was often assumed that I was really immature and callow, and with the publishing of Watch Your Mouth, it was assumed that I was oversexualized, and with Lemony Snicket, it's often assumed that I'm erudite and depressed. But all the voices more or less came naturally to me.
Daniel Handler
Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
Daniel Handler
Everyone tells you it's all right to cry, but not enough people say it's all right if you don't want people to know.
Daniel Handler
They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay.
Daniel Handler