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For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
World
War
Assassinate
Easy
Apples
House
Snow
Three
Instance
Else
Bears
Someone
Break
Stories
Moral
Never
White
Ferdinand

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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Lemony Snicket. Now, I'm told - the books, of course, starting from the very first one, became hugely popular, selling millions and millions. And I understand that when you used to go around to talk to your very young fans, you would appear as Lemony Snicket's representative or agent.
Daniel Handler
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The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.
Daniel Handler
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Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.
Daniel Handler
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Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.
Daniel Handler
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If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.
Daniel Handler
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I like to think that I get better and better as a writer, but it seems pretty easy to me to slip on disguises of various people.
Daniel Handler
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...that's not why we broke up. I love it, I miss it, I hate to give it back to you, this complicated thing, it's why we stayed together
Daniel Handler
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The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they're being followed.
Daniel Handler
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They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.
Daniel Handler
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If you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down
Daniel Handler
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Sometime during your life—in fact, very soon—you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.
Daniel Handler
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The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous inspiration for 'All The Wrong Questions'.
Daniel Handler
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You can't believe everything you read.
Daniel Handler
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And when love is over when the diner of love seems closed from the outside you want all those hours back along with anything you left at the lover’s house and maybe a couple of things which aren’t technically yours on the grounds that you wasted a portion of your life and those hours have all gone southside.
Daniel Handler
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Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
Daniel Handler
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Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.
Daniel Handler
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I gasped and pointed the way. I gave you an adventure, Ed, right in front of you but you never saw it until I showed you, and that's why we broke up.
Daniel Handler
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There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
Daniel Handler
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Are you ready? Klaus asked finally. No, Sunny answered. Me neither, Violet said, but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.
Daniel Handler
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There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
Daniel Handler