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This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Toast
Toasts
Safe
Feels

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?
Daniel Handler
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There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.
Daniel Handler
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I often can't remember which scenes are and aren't in the final product, because I saw so many different versions of the Lemony Snicket that I forget which ended up on the cutting-room floor.
Daniel Handler
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
Daniel Handler
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I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.
Daniel Handler
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I can't imagine why you would want to take your child to see what the career of a writer is like, because it mostly consists of sitting in a room typing, or going to the library and looking something up. Those are not exciting things to watch.
Daniel Handler
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
Daniel Handler
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I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.
Daniel Handler
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Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.
Daniel Handler
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Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.
Daniel Handler
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I stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn’t point to.
Daniel Handler
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Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.
Daniel Handler
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Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's go there, let's stay in that place alone.
Daniel Handler
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There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize.
Daniel Handler
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Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
Daniel Handler
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Put your hair up, Min. The secret ingredient is not your hair.
Daniel Handler
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Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
Daniel Handler
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The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
Daniel Handler
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Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, Life isn't fair. What is to be done with such people?
Daniel Handler
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I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.
Daniel Handler